Why Not?: Just Another Work in Progress: The Small(er) Reveal

I follow a lot of remodeling blogs. Not because I have the time, money, or desire to remodel our current town home (mostly based on the time & money factor) - or because we are in a place to upgrade to a house that would require an overhaul to call it home. I follow remodeling blogs because I love to see change, especially big changes. I love change. In the blogging world, remodel blogs are where I can get my fix of "The Big Reveals".

My mother pointed out to me last night that I owe you, my own blogging audience, it's own Big Reveal after publicly blogging my post surgery pictures... even though it doesn't make sense to call it "The Big Reveal" given that part of my nose was actually removed. I am finally at the point, my friends, that I feel I can give you the apparently highly anticipated Small(er) Reveal!

Where we left off....

I looked like I was attempting to recreate my 2nd grade Halloween costume of a Raccoon OR trying to create my own superhero persona including built in mask.

Again, this was 5 days post surgery.

Below is at Dr. G's office, one week post surgery, right before they pulled the stints in my nose out. Pulling the stints was BY FAR the worst part of the entire experience. It was 10 seconds of a weird pulling, almost sucking type pain that channeled up the center of my nose to a nerve center right between my eyes. Followed by another 10 seconds of a weird pulling...(you get the point) as Dr. G removed the stint from the other nostril.

This picture was obviously taken before the above experience. I was not smiling or giving thumbs up after that. In fact, I went home, popped a few Percocet (the first I had needed for 3 days), and went to bed. When in pain, I pass out.

Here I am 3 days post removal of stints, bandages, and stitches (9 days post surgery). I was headed to my first public outing to celebrate a great friend's birthday (Happy Birthday Amanda!!!) You can't see it very well, but the bruising was pretty much all gone over the top of my eyes and directly under the eyes. The only bruising that remained was where the blood was pooling at the very bottom of my eye socket, top of my cheek bones. I did the best I could to cover up the bruising with makeup and took the Southern approach of styling my hair extra big to hopefully take some of the attention away from my face. I still got some strange looks at dinner.

That last little bit of bruising has stuck around a lot longer than I expected, just now getting to the point where its faded and makeup can fully cover it. It is still there, but I think it looks more now like I didn't get the 9 hours of sleep I need a night... for a month.

Keep in mind when looking at the picture, that Dr. G has shared that a person's skin has memory. This means that even though the bump has been removed, the skin on my nose still has some hints that its there. And because of the trauma of the surgery, there is still a little bit of swelling that will continue to be there for some time. Basically, in his own words, it will take up to 6 months before the nose has officially "settled" into my face.

Which means, given that I'm extremely happy so far with the result and that I can already feel an improvement in my breathing, it will only get better from here.

Oh wait, I'm forgetting the process shown by my beloved remodel blogs. First I have to remind you of what my nose USED to look like, before surgery;)

Remember, this was my nose after the second break.

Here's the side by side profile, which I think shows how the "bump" had actually shifted to the left. If you look for where the light hits the top bridge of my nose, in the photo on the left, you can see that's where the bump ended up.

And here's the best picture that I have that shows from the front how much my nose ended up being off center because of the second break. It's the best picture only because it has Jeff's puppy Mooser in it. Every picture that has a puppy in it is automatically better than those without.

Drum roll please... here's my nose now:

Please forgive the frizzy "lion mane" hair... I just got it cut and am trying to figure out the new amount of product needed to control the curls without using too much. (I'm sure that my curly haired friends can sympathize).

Oh- and the pug in the picture is my friend Kathleen's. Her name is Judith (Judy for short). These pictures were taken at girls night over at Kathleen's last night. Judy wanted to be in the picture with me because she also had surgery on her nose to help her breathing the exact same day that I did. And again, pictures with puppies in it automatically get more smiles.

I am very happy with the results so far. I am glad that I made the decision to keep "the length" of my nose and had Dr. G focus on removing the bump and realigning my nose so it was more centered and symmetrical This makes me feel like it still is a part of the original me and feels a bit more familiar.

It still has taken me a some time to get used to the "new" nose. I will occasionally run my finger so very lightly down the center of my nose, something that I used to do pre-surgery (lightly because its another broken nose - the sucker still hurts like CRAZY if it gets bumped). My finger still remembers the left jog on the bridge, still anticipates the bump. This slight slope belongs on someone else's face. This is going to sound silly to most of you, but one of the things that I've done that has been the most helpful in helping my mind adjust is to keep the mirror open on the sun flap in my car. All last week, when I would be stopped at a stop light on my morning and evening commute, I would flip the sun flap down and look at my face, adjusting the flap to different angles so I could see my nose at equally different angles. It took pretty much the whole week before it really sunk in... This is me - now.

Now the only anxiety I have is seeing friends and family for the first time. Confronting the obvious. I know that for those of you who care for me - my close friends & family - a nose won't change the way you think of me, won't make you love me more or less... But for so many of the younger years of my life, I worked to convince myself that my nose didn't define my inner beauty or personality to those who didn't know me, or were meeting me for the first time (although, in part, it did define me because I let myself unconsciously think about it in that way). I know now that its ridiculous to think of it like that... its also human. For what was probably the body part that I hated the most and hated to talk about or have referenced, I have forced myself to be very public about this process. I went back and forth on if I should include the outside world in on this surgery. In the end, I went forward and shared via my blog because in my head, that is part of the healing - both physically and mentally. It made sense to share because it took what could be perceived as shame out of the conversation. I have controlled the dialog, shared my thoughts/fears/hopes & asked for your support. I also have opened myself up to be part of the conversation, and I understand that people may have viewpoints that differ from mine about the subject matter. Especially after its all said and done. There are people out there who may say "she chose that nose over what she had or could have gotten?!"

Last Friday night I went out to an impromptu happy hour with my Fort Collins friends. There were about 20 of us there - many of which I hadn't seen post surgery. And we were drinking beer... I knew I would hear the truth of what people thought, whether I wanted to or not.

I heard nothing but positive comments, which I should have expected. My friends here have gotten the brute of my fear talk, and have been consistently supportive. I have always surrounded myself with good people, my FoCo friends are some of the best.

My favorite, the one that really hit home and echo'd the statement "This is me - now", came from my friend LeighAnn - who always can be counted on to tell it as it is: "I keep looking at the end of the table, see you smile and laugh; all I can think is 'That sassy nose finally fits her sassy personality."

Thank you again, my friends, for supporting me thru this journey. For your encouragement, positive thoughts and prayers for speedy healing, soup, cards, get well packages, flowers that I couldn't smell for a few days, and for helping me laugh thru it all - since the whole process started back in November. I'm glad that the decision making, stress, and the majority of the physical pain and discomfort is behind me.

Well, until I sneeze that is...that still hurts A LOT... for right now....

PS- Here are some funny out takes of the "Photo Shoot" that Judy and I did last night for this blog. They don't officially make the cut... I'm not sure if the blurriness is due to Judy and I moving, or the wine consumption of either/or/both the photographer (Leigh Ann) and me. All I know is that we took way more pictures than I thought necessary, until I started looking thru the pictures needed today for the blog. Turns out, we needed to take a lot of pictures...