All Grown Up

Something strange happened last night.  I watched someone grow up right before my eyes.

I was sitting there, across from my 21 year old cousin Libby, at the Rustic Oven after I had picked her up from the airport to bring her back to school from her winter break.  I had suggested we go out to dinner to catch up on all that had happened over her break.  I sat there listening to her contribute to the conversation topic at hand from her own experiences and found myself caring about the advice she was giving.  Not that I didn't ever care before about what we talked about, but this was the first time that I can recall that she gave me advice - from her own experiences... from her own experiences!  And it was good!!  It was solid!!!  And very applicable to the story that I had led the conversation with.  It was advice, tried and true & I wanted to hear more!

I sipped my glass of Malbec, the same that she was drinking (because the girl finally turned 21 this past summer) intently listening to her continue on, and it dawned on me.  She's grown up.

Whoa.

It actually took me a moment to let that sink into the cortex of my brain.  Let it float around among the electrical synapses that started firing, spreading the message from head to toe, finally reaching my heart.  It was a jolt, resonating a slight panic back up and down my spine.

Panic, because I know how to be the older cousin. I have been that older cousin for about as long as I can remember. For as long as she can definitely remember.  I remember her as the first baby that I was allowed to ever hold by myself, when I was 9 years old.  Probably the first baby I ever cared about or wanted to hold.  As an infant, she received the very first quilt I ever made (hand patched in my Grandma Aylo's basement). I remember showing her how to hold the farm kittens nicely, and then snapping a picture of a two and a half year old Libby holding a kitten upside down.  A four year old Libby sitting on the saddle front of me as we rode my pony Cricket (a death defying stunt if you knew that horse).  A ten year old Libby, with my aunt and my own mom in tow, visiting me at college for my sorority's Mom's weekend. A sixteen year old Libby visiting us here in Colorado to check out Colorado State as a potential college.  Me, crossing my fingers...

Even when she settled on and at CSU, I retained the role of older cousin - a roll that I had honed, but found a way to expand.  This is the role that I have been serving for the past 4 years.  I know how to disclose what I have experienced in my life, how to share and say "this is what I learned, and I would maybe suggest not doing it that way (or you really should do it that way!)" I know how to listen to Libby and communicate to her mother if there needed to be some sort of parental intervention.  I know how to be the in-between between mother and daughter, if I needed to be.  (Yes, I was probably a tattle tale on both sides - I may now have outed myself as the family Benedict Arnold).  I know how to coordinate my laundry schedule to accommodate when she would come over to do laundry, and how if I happened to say "you know, I really need to get rid of this ground beef" I could help provide for Lib and make sure she was eating more than ramen noodles without getting much push back.  I know how to say "Help yourself to anything in the fridge" when she is dog sitting for us, with the correct undertone of "Even the six pack of beer that we may have purchased specifically because we're going to be out of town and you're dog sitting."  I know how to be the driver of a late night grocery run since she doesn't have a car. I even found her a place to live last minute when she ended up not being able to live in the dorms last minute because she was away being a camp counselor in Virginia.  And because of that experience, I know how to tell her to come over and hang out, just to be away from her roommates or have a quiet place off of campus (I didn't pick the best option).

Panic! How is our relationship going to change?!

The panic washed over me, much like the feeling of hot pain I have with wasabi.  But then, as quickly as it came, it was gone.  I set aside that moment of "HOLY CRAP!  She grew up!" and let myself settle into a smile.   Because I know how to be a friend, probably better than the older cousin.  I know she knows how to be a great friend!  I've seen it, I've heard it in the stories she's shared.  I've met her friends.  They're good peeps, and my experiences have told me that you can judge someone pretty well based on the company they keep.

After dinner, we went to the grocery store and picked up her groceries for the next week.  As we strolled the aisle joking about how red cabbage really is purple but is called red cabbage probably because the person who named it was a colorblind asshole of a professor who's students were too intimidated to confront him, I realized that in the end, nothing has changed - even though it feels like to me that everything has changed.  She grew up, right before my eyes. Right before my eyes over 21 years and I didn't let myself see it until last night.  I guess that's my mistake.  Or just how life happens.

She's grown into a fantastic young woman, full of heart and compassion, a sly wit, someone who is up for discovering who she is, a strong work ethic, a person who isn't afraid to ask for help if it's needed, a book worm who has many good reads to recommend, a woman with a casual style that always fits the situation perfectly, and an adventurous spirit. She'll probably be a little embarrassed by me writing this post. And then she'll encourage me to keep writing.  Everything that I would want to have in a friend.


Correction - everything that I do have in a friend.


Today, as I'm sitting here typing - I'm glad that it only took 21 years for Lib to grow up.  I know I'm going to like this girl...err... woman...and I'm glad I realized this sooner than later, because I'll have more time with her.  Probably in another duel role - infusing older cousin/friend together (eliminating the double agent) at least for a little while.  It's a role I know I can handle.  I think I did it justice last night, as I now reflect on  the myriad of topics we discussed.  How Lib, after hashing thru a difficult topic, shook her head with a smile, asked for a bit of older cousin confirmation. "It really doesn't get any easier being an adult, does it?"   I told her then what I speak to now to and from my heart:  My own experience shows that life and it's decisions don't get easier, but I can say without a doubt that this is where life gets to be fun!

Welcome to the ride, Lib.  Welcome to the ride.