Leaving Last Fall Behind*

There seems to be an epidemic of unhappiness within our group of Fort Collins friends right now.  All of it is within reason.  To list off our grievances, without naming who each struggle belongs to, the affects of the following has ripped thru our ranks:  long term relationships have ended, grandparents have passed away, job losses followed by struggles finding a new job, multiple surgeries (planned and unplanned), money issues, parent divorces, stresses with juggling school & work schedules, confronting alcoholic parents, dealing with parents or family members who are making poor decisions, and lets not forget the worry of possible college football conference realignments.  (Okay – that last one should be that big of a deal comparatively to the rest of the list, but for many of the guys in our circle of friends, you would have thought it was.  A welcome distraction I’m guessing).

To say it has been a tough fall would be an understatement.  While our household hasn’t seen the worst of it, many of the items in the above list did hit our home in some way.  At the very least, all of these issues hit home because they were affecting my friends.

What baffles me is that of all the above issues, there is never just one person who is dealing with a type of problem.  Meaning that there isn’t just one friend who lost a grandparent, having surgery, lost a job, etc – there are multiple friends dealing with these issues at the same time.  Some issues are dealt with more silently than others, and some couldn’t be hidden even if the person wanted to tuck it away. 

Many have come to me to talk it thru, to get the negative out of their body. It warms my heart that I am a person that many feel that they can confide in and I am grateful that I am identified as being a person who may be able to help.  I hope that they have come to me because I am usually overwhelmingly optimistic and good at finding solutions, whether they are simple or more complicated problems.  This is what I’ve been told by a few friends anyway, so I hope it rings true with most.  It’s one of the better compliments I’ve ever received. 

But this fall, so many of these problems are beyond my ability to see a clear solution or that silver lining.  I am at a loss as to the help that I can provide, especially when dealing with our own issues.  To take on all this hurt & confusion without being able to provide relief is exhausting & overwhelming.  It’s somewhat exhausting & overwhelming to just write about it now.  However, I would rather be in the loop and help others deal with their emotions than have them keep it to themselves to feel this way alone.  In return, I deal with it by writing it out and trying to find a new voice or reason thru my own words, having a safe spot to be able to speak out my own opinions or anger without being judged or appearing to be casting judgement.

Those that know me well know that writing has always been how I have dealt with such extreme emotions.  I have over 18 journals that I have penned, beginning when I was in third grade.  Many of those were filled between middle school, high school, and college.  The journal I currently write in has been around since 2005.  Only now has it started to fill to the point where I may need to find a new book.  So much of this fall has found its way onto those pages, but I haven't felt the typical comfort.  I still am without solutions.  Now I am trying to rid myself of it thru this blog.  Putting it out there.  Getting the negative out of me.

I’ve also done a lot of praying on my drive to and from work.  It’s an easy hour with no interruptions that I try to focus on giving thanks for the blessings I’ve been given, as well as the blessings that my friends have been given.  I have always found that by being grateful, even when it’s hardest to concentrate on the good things in life, I am provided with a better perspective and vision of where my life should be going.  I also believe that if you open your heart with honest thoughts, God will give you direction. Most often in unexpected ways.

I recently met with a woman that I used to work with in Fort Collins.  I affectionately call her my Colorado Momma because, as a woman in her fifties, she has provided me much comfort and advice during the tenure of our friendship.  We hadn’t seen each other for months and all it took was for her to ask “So how have you been?” for me to unload on her.  All of the weight I’d been carrying around for months – the frustrated, exhausted, overwhelmed thoughts came tumbling out.

She reached over & held my hand.  She told me that her favorite piece of advice she ever received came from her grandfather on her wedding day.  That he meant it for marriage, but that it could be applied to so much of what I was describing.

“Just remember that the sun doesn’t shine every day. Don’t let one cloudy day get in the way of thinking tomorrow can’t have sunshine.”

It’s true, the sun doesn’t shine everyday.  But having friends who you can rely on to help hold you up, to help you sort thru the messes of life- that’s the ray that breaks thru the clouds and gives you hope that tomorrow will be brighter.

Following Sherrill’s example, I have stopped trying to help if I can’t see a clear solution.  Instead, I’m doing my best to listen.  Listen and reach over to hold a hand.  Give out comforting hugs.  Reiterate to each of my friends that they are a person who has merit and I value that.  My friends that I confide in have started doing the same, and I feel better.  We are doing what we can to rebuild confidence – especially in those whose confidence has been deeply shaken.  Because with confidence comes the ability to make decisions that are the best choices.  Whether I agree with those decisions or not is not my roll as a friend, and some of those decisions I haven’t agreed with.  I'm sure that they feel the same way about my actions and reactions.  However, my solutions-based-overly-optimistic personal philosophy tells me that if a decision is the best step forward, and it is a step forward, then we’re working in the right direction. Towards the sunshine.