Can girl friends suck like boyfriends?

I am a little put out right now.  Mostly at myself because I am subjecting myself to an abuse that I would never have stood for ten years ago.  I need to realize that I've been "dumped" by a friend, and I just don't want to let her go.

Way back in the day when I was single and unattached, I re purposed a rule that I had grown up knowing as a law:  three strikes and you're out. I've also referred to it as the rule of three, to be more fair, since the person who ends up being out (or rejected) is often yourself. 

It starts on a very basic level.  You meet a guy, there's a spark and you trade numbers.  You call him.  He picks up and you chat.  You call him again, possibly chatting or leaving a message.  You vaguely talk about making plans together.  You call him again.  During this entire time, whether it be days (hopefully more than 3 because that's just sad) or weeks, he does not call you.  You have made an effort three times, he has made none.    He has your phone number; he could reach you if he really wanted to.  He's not interested. 

Rule of three, three strikes and you're out.

This rule kept me grounded.  It made me think rationally about if a guy was actually interested in me or if I was more interested than he ever intended to be.  It was a way of thinking that brought me down to a guy's level- either they're interested or they're not.  Sometimes it turns on and off like a light switch, only not so noticeable. 

A girl can't appear to be desperate if she stops calling after three tries.  But what I like about the rule the most was that there was a little bit of a loop hole. If said super-cute-guy-who-looked-little-bit-like-Luke-Perry-and-had-an-amazing-laugh does call back, then the rule of three starts all over again.  I might also add that if a guy is too busy to call a girl back or just doesn't think it's important to return calls, he's not worth it.  There are PLENTY of guys out there who will call back.

Now I won't say the rule isn't fool proof, but it worked well enough for me to figure out who really had potential an who maybe had completely forgotten who I was once the beer from the bar wore off.  It was a rule that I passed on to my friends and a rule that they passed onto their friends.  It was a "He's just not that into you," type statement without the harsh reality of someone having to actually tell you "He's just not that into you."

I retired the rule when super-cute-guy-who-looked-little-bit-like-Matthew-McConaughey-and-makes-me-laugh-so-hard-I-almost-wet-my-pants called me back after only one call.  He always called back.  Still does.  I never thought I would have to use it again.  But I think I was wrong.  I should have used it with this friend to save me the embarrassment of being "dumped" by her without even realizing it. 

Here's her deal.  She wasn't my friend for a very long time.  She was a woman that I worked with that I had A LOT of conflict with during our first year working together, which I will venture to say that was more on her part and her tendency to overreact to things... and I feel safe saying that since if you're reading this blog, I'm guessing you know me fairly well.

A little over a year ago, she went through a pretty horrible break up with her boyfriend of four years and moved to Fort Collins where she worked and knew no one.  I know what it's like to move to a town where you know no one.  I know how horribly lonely it is, how desprate you can be to make friends, and how difficult it really is to meet people our age.  I didn't have to, and I will be honest- I really didn't want to, but I took her under my wing, submitting myself to venting sessions, crying sessions, and drunken happy hours.  I invited her over to hang out with my friends (after carefully issuing a warning to them that I was, at least for the time being, taking back everything I had bitched about regarding her).  Eventually, I did come to value as a friend and as she started to pull her life back together, I began to really enjoy being around her.  We had finally learned to communicate, both at work and on a social level. 

Early April she had the opportunity to return the favor for all the venting/crying/happy hour sessions because I got let go from my job.  Which I felt really would, in the long run, help our friendship because our boss really looked down on co-workers socializing together.  It did for a while.  She provided me with a good reference, we met for drinks several times, and I clung to her because she was the only one who really understood my ranting about our previous place of employment.  I got a sick enjoyment out of hearing how overworked she had become because I had been let go.  I felt for her, but hearing her complain made me feel needed still.  It's something that I desperately had to hear while coping with the fact that somehow I had failed.  Meeting her for happy hour, or even the idea of meeting her for happy hour, became almost like a fix for the hurt and frustration I was keeping inside of me.

It was not a healthy relationship by any means.  We were two broken pieces, with rough edges that probably shouldn't be put back together.  But I was trying to conjure my own type of gorilla glue.

Because if there's anything that I'm good at, it's relationships.  I'm a good friend and I'm good at keeping in contact with people.  I'm a "call-you-out-of-the-blue-and-talk-like-we-saw-each-other-yesterday" kind of girl, even if I haven't seen you for two years.  I know when to listen, I know when to say the tough stuff, and I know when to be supportive.  I'm up for anything and I will drop everything to help you out.  I am a good friend so I couldn't imagine why this friendship wouldn't work out.  I had helped her find her strength after all, and had been a friend when it didn't seem like she didn't have many.

I'm wondering if she felt my desperation. 

Slowly, our communication with each other stretched further and further apart.  Instead of a week, it became two weeks, only over text messages or emails.  And then an email I sent wouldn't be responded to for three weeks or a month.  I added her as a facebook friend.  I was the one doing all the initiating.  Although it has dropped in frequency, I have continued to contact her in some way at least once a month.  I haven't seen her for at least six, probably seven months.

My roommate ran into her at an industry meeting about a month ago.  Amanda came home and said that she had sent her well wishes, that her life had gotten less hectic, and that she wanted to do drinks sometime.  I told Amanda that I was going to go ahead and let this girl be the one to call me, if she really did want to do drinks and catch up.  I was fed up with it.  At least that night I was.  And I hadn't sent an email, text, or given a call to her since then.  Until last night.

Last night I was at a committee meeting for an event that I help with.  The meeting was drawing to a close and everyone else was leaving.  I still had over a half a glass of wine in front of me and I was on this girl's side of town.  I sent her a text.  It wasn't that late. I knew better.  But I sent the text anyway. 

I finished my glass of wine, waited five more minutes, and didn't hear anything.  Halfway into my drive home, I got a text from her saying that she just wasn't up for it, maybe next time.  Ah- there it is... the little bit of hope, the change up that's just floating in the air and you've got your eye steady on it as the ball is begging you to smack the crap out of it.  I was always a sucker for a change up.

I sent a text back, saying I'd give her more notice next time and asking what her schedule was like next week.  And I felt a little bit dirty and angry at myself the minute I pushed "send". 

I still have heard back from that text.  I am thinking that I have been "dumped" by a girl friend.  I never thought that would have been possible.  I didn't think that friends could suck like boys used to suck.

Strike three probably should have been back in October.  I wish I would have thought to apply my old rule sooner.  Maybe then I wouldn't be sitting here, typing away my misery, much like I used to journal my sorrows away in high school and college when things didn't work out with a guy.  It's been a long time since I've had a break up that has blindsided me.  The only good thing about this is that there are some really good break up songs out right now.  So I think I'm going to go to bed singing a little Cee Lo in my head... the grammy version because the visual of the muppets make me smile.

Not that it even really matters.  I have plenty of really great girl friends that I am so much closer with, here in Fort Collins and elsewhere that I have built into healthy relationships, the type which wasn't created out of desperation and have a plethora of laugh-until-I-cry-or-wet-my-pants moments.  Which is why I need to end this and end it now. 

And, because I mentioned that I am her friend on facebook, I must admit that I am hiding this post from her.  I won't get any vindication from her seeing an "ex" friend spouting off and I really don't want to get a text message inviting me on a pity date in response.  Forget you and F.. you too.