Over Thanksgiving, I discovered that one of my favorite TV
shows of all time, The Wonder Years, was on Netflix. I've been working my way thru the series as I
have spent time in hotels for work, putting together Christmas quilts, and
finding a way to be lazy after the holidays have passed.
What I love about the Wonder Years is the same thing that I
loved while growing up. Kevin speaks the
truth about situations – although I understand this more so now in hindsight. His observations are poetic, a voice over that
we all can identify with. A voice over that
could possibly be placed directly on our own memories.
Today, as I round out the series with Kevin Arnold – I have
found the one episode that I didn't remember, but probably speaks louder than
others to an emotion I housed in my body growing up.
Series Episode 108, Episode 16 from Season 6: Nose
The Netflix episode description reads this:
Kevin’s friend, Ricky,
falls in love with a girl that has a huge nose. Ricky’s feelings are hurt when
he overhears the guys joking about it.
This was something I could identify with. In high school, the world where you try so
hard to fit in, I know exactly what it feels like to have something that so
obviously stands out in a negative way.
I loved Hayleigh’s speech that she gives for an English
class assignment addressing something that really bothers you about
yourself:
“I guess all of us have different things that bother us, the
way we look or the way we feel. The way
people treat us. For me…
(insert Kevin Arnold Voice over: “Uh oh”)
“…It’s shopping. See,
I look in a store window at the blouses and the dresses and the slacks and the
fact is, nothing really goes with a big nose.
(insert Kevin Arnold Voice over getting a little bit more
distressed: “Uh Oh!”)
“I mean, you can wear dark clothes to look thinner. But here
I am with this big nose and it really doesn't matter what I wear. It’s still there…Sometimes I dream that
magically, it’s gotten smaller. But I know
that’s not true. So I guess I just have to put up with it. I mean, it gives me personality. (jokingly
she says) I have the personality of a
girl with a big nose. (quieter now) I guess it’s who I am. And I guess that’s
ok.”
(insert Kevin Arnold Voice over: “It was warm. It was funny. In the annuals of high school it was perhaps
the most honest, the most true, self-aware speech ever given. –pause as
laughter breaks out thru the classroom - It was also something else. It was the biggest mistake any kid ever
made. By that evening, the Infamous McKinley
High Nose Speech was a hot topic.”)
I completely get how Hayleigh felt. Her statement “It gives
me personality. I have the personality
of a girl with a big nose.” is not so far from things that I have told
people. I remember once one of the chef’s
at the Des Moines Golf & Country Club told me that he thought I had one of
the best personalities. I was humbled
and shrug it off. I told him thru the
expo window “I have a big nose. I went
thru an ugly phase in middle school.
When you’re going thru an ugly phase and you have a big nose, its cliché,
but you have to develop a good personality.
You don’t know if you’re ever going to come out of the ugly phase and
your nose may get bigger. My personality
is the only thing that can stand out that I want to stand out.”
I made peace with my nose a long time ago. Again, it is part of me. It wasn't perfect, but neither am I. I learned how to make my smile & laughter
stand out more. For those of you who
know me, I have a BIG smile & a BIG laugh.
Now that may make more sense – they had to be to override the nose!
However, here’s the thing that sounds very contrary to that
statement and may be confusing. The next
time many of you see me – I will look different. Because I am getting a nose job.
It wasn't something that I sought out. I want that to be perfectly clear.
Well, it’s not something that I sought out directly.
This surgery is a direct result of my dumb ass falling down
some bleachers at the ISU/Kansas football game. I was moving forward down the
bleachers and looked up to watch Steele Janz on his first big play of the game.
I wasn't watching where I was going, I tripped, fell over one empty bleacher
seat and cracked the bridge of my nose on the corner of the seat in front of
that. I consider myself very lucky that
I didn’t lose any teeth. As my mom joked
with me after the fact “At least it wasn’t your teeth. I have much more money invested in your teeth
than your nose.” (And no- I was not wasted.
I kind of wish that I was – somehow that seems better than me just being
clumsy).
Over the next few weeks, I visited several doctors. First the ER (the day after). Then my regular doctor (a week later). Who
gave me a referral to an ENT (4 days after that). Amongst the black eye & the swelling, the
prodding and scopes looking up my nostrils, it was established that I deviated my
septum, I broke the bottom part of your nose where it meets your gum line, and
have other damage to the bridge where your nose connects with your skull. For a while, I pretty much had a floating
nose.
My visit with the recommended ENT went as follows:
“We have three options.
You accept that this happened and this is your nose now– but with the
damage you have, I wouldn’t recommend that because you’re going to have
problems down the road. I can schedule
you for Thursday for us to reset it so it will be straighter, until you can
schedule surgery 6 or more months down the road. Or, and I tread on this lightly, if you have
ever thought about plastic surgery – this may be a way to have a portion of the
surgery paid for.”
I thought to myself, I at least owed myself the opportunity
to look into the surgery. If I was
looking at a painful surgery where they needed to get up in there anyway to fix
what I’d done on accident, I might as well consider it. This was a “life gives you lemons…” moment if
I ever saw one.
That was my initial thought process. As I drove home from the ENT, the hesitations
began to surface. Would I look different to the point where people wouldn’t
recognize me? This was the nose that is
in all of my photos – middle school thru my wedding photos. My nose is part of my identity – I had made
peace with it so very long ago and survived.
More than survived; I thrived. I
have some guilt thinking about putting money towards something as self-absorbed
as my looks. But I pay money to go to a
gym and work out, something that I do for the exact same self-absorbed reason -
to make sure that I look and feel good about myself physically. Finally, my nose was the way it was because
of an accident that I couldn’t control – which made it easier to accept. A nose job is my decision, something that I
could control and choose myself. What if
I didn’t like the “look” I went with? Could
I accept the change – accept that I wanted the change?
After much thought and consultation with those friends and
family that I trust to let me talk thru my thoughts, without pushing their own
agenda or opinions on me – I came back to the conclusion that, again, it was
worth at least looking into.
So I met with the surgeon.
I got a quote. It’s actually
going to be very affordable on my end. I
had pictures mocked up. The profile
looks different, but I still look like me.
To the point where I’m happy and comfortable moving forward. I’m making lemonade. I have to think that Hayleigh would approve.
I haven’t scheduled the surgery yet. I’m waiting for my pre-approval to come thru
with my insurance company. It will
probably happen the middle to end of January.
Some of you may wonder why I’m blogging about this. I’m telling you all now so that way you don’t
have to look at me and think “Did Katy get a nose job? She had to have gotten a nose job…” It’s going to be pretty obvious that I did,
and I want you to know we can talk about it.
I even expect a little bit of laughter and joking about how it
happened.
And besides, since my nose has always been big - I feel like
it deserves a big, very public send off;)
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