For the past 10 years, I only allow myself to make 2, possibly 3, New Year's resolutions each year. One is always a habit that I would like to change, the other is a philosophical process that I think would be beneficial to tweak.
A quick run down on past new year's resolutions, researched thru my journals, because I don't have that great of memory:
2007:
Habit -Learn to pack for trips in one bag (can change the size of bag if you need to)
Philosophical- Make up your own mind about things, don't always wait to see what others think/feel before expressing yourself or deciding how you "should" feel; don't apologize for your own thoughts
2008:
Habit - Make the bed every day
Philosophical - Be better about accepting that it's okay to not know how things will turn out, not letting that spoil the present moment
2009:
Habit - Pay my credit card balances every month
Philosophical - Be better about asking for help
2010:
Habit - Begin writing in my journal on a regular again (at least weekly)
Philosophical - Mean what you say, do what you say you will do. Own your words.
2011:
Habit - Re-engage writing letters and post cards to grandparents, friends, etc.
Philosophical - Remember to spoil myself and make myself a priority - don't feel guilty for doing this
2012:
Habit -Use fewer emoticons
Philosophical - Find a work/life balance
2013:
Habit - Work on leaving not-so-long voice mails, with a better intro than "Hey (insert friend's name) - It's Katy. I was just calling because..." and then continue to dawdle on for approximately 2 minutes.
Philosophical - Focus on the blessings in my life, making sure to express gratitude
Kind of all over the board, isn't it. What I enjoy, seeing them all written down here, is remembering where I was in my life at that time and remembering why I set that particular goal. After looking over all of these - I feel like I've had reasonable success. Meaning that some of the habits and philosophies that I've worked to change over the years have stuck, and I carry them with me today.
I've learned a few tricks along the way in making New Year's Resolutions. I can't take credit for these - these tricks pepper the "Make This Year's New Year's Resolutions Stick" type blogs that cover social media, BuzzFeed, and the Huffington Post this time of year. Here's a quick run down, followed by my own experiences and thoughts on the tip:
1. Don't go overboard.
I limit the number of goals I have, because I can't change everything at once. By limiting myself to a small set of goals of different capacities, I am enabling myself to really concentrate on those areas. I can give it my full attention, work on making sure that I'm making those changes.
2. You have to do things for yourself.
For the most part, I set goals that I deem worthwhile. You don't see me listing "Drink less Mt. Dew" on here because people tell me I drink a lot of Mt. Dew, which makes me feel like I should drink less Mt. Dew. No - I enjoy my Mt. Dew, and it hasn't provided any issues for me so far. I'm not obese, have diabetes, or bad teeth. In fact, I'm probably the healthiest I've been... maybe ever. Could I get rid of Mt. Dew and be even healthier - absolutely. BUT I DON'T WANT TO.
It goes back to the thought that a person can only change if they want to change, and I'm not going to submit myself to a resolution that is created because someone else tells me I should want to do/believe these things.
Case in point - the emoticon goal of 2012 could be considered a failure. It was a goal that I set because I thought other people may judge my use of them. I did it for other people, not myself. Because, in all honesty - I love my emoticons. I love throwing a ;) at the end of a text. I love putting a =) at the end of an email. I couldn't eliminate emoticons out of my life... I'm far too sarcastic for that. I've worked pretty hard to make sure that I only include one in each emails. As for texts, well - that has just been a straight up failure. And, because I love my emoticons, I don't care. Which tells me that I set a bad new year's resolution and set myself up for failure.
3. Success doesn't equal perfect.
In no way am I 100% at any of the above. There are times where I have to pack in more than one bag, where I don't make the bed, where I just want to go to bed and not write in my journal - even if I have something that I want to get off my chest. But the key is that I am actively pursuing the goal. I recognize when I wasn't present enough in my mind to make the new year's resolutions a priority - because that happens in life. I try to change that behavior in me as well. Or, if it's something that takes a higher priority, then I accept that and let it go. I'm human, I will never be 100%. That's not an attainable goal. If I hit 80 to 90% of the time, I'm doing very well.
4. Don't just set a goal, create a plan.
It's easy to say something, but it's harder to sit down and think "How am I going to do this?" For me, I set reminders on my outlook calendar. Ok- that doesn't work for some of them (I'm not going to have a daily reminder to make the bed) but certain ones it helped with. When I travel, I set a reminder right after my flight lands to pick up postcards at the airport to mail to my grandparents. And then I set a reminder to write them when I'm waiting to board, and mail from the airport.
If you can't figure out how to make the change and incorporate it into your life, then maybe it's not the right goal, or at least the right time for the goal, for your life.
5. Tell people about the goal.
My greatest motivator is when I tell others that I'm going to do something. Which actually goes back to my philosophical NYR from 2010: "Mean what you say, do what you say you will. Own your words." I hold myself accountable, but I can back down from something or change my mind if I don't share it with people. If I say it out loud... or at least blog about it... I'm inviting you to question me about it. Given that I want to be the type of woman that you, my friends and family, can trust to follow thru - I better follow thru on my own goals.
This especially helped when I told friends about the voice mail message goal. I got called out on that one... A LOT. Especially by Kaylene. But I appreciated that she was helping hold me accountable. It's what good friends do in my book.
Basically, the way I see it - if you're afraid to tell someone about it, you're giving yourself an out. It's as if the New Year's Resolution never existed. Because would we know any better...
With that being said - here is my public declaration of my 2014 New Year's Resolutions. I've upped the ante this year, and have thought of three. But they are three that are pretty important to me, so I think that it's important to stick with three.
2014:
Habit - Read at least 12 library books and write at least 12 blogs (at least 1 a month for each)
- Because I love reading and writing, but when things get busy, that's one of the first things that I let slide. I'm not ok with this anymore.
- I'm pretty good with my money. But I've found that I'm not as frugal as I used to be, and there are times where I buy things in what I later realize is excess to what I actually need. I strive to live simply - mostly because when I have too much of something, it overwhelms me. So this goal is less about overspending, as it is getting back to what I felt was a simpler time with fewer things. Which that time is pretty easy to identify for me. It sounds funny, but I think I've traced it back to the fact that when I was waiting tables all I did was pay for things in cash. And because of that, there were times where I would only have one drink at a bar, or only buy one pair of jeans. Because that was the money I had in my pocket and all I had access to at that moment, so I had to be ok with that. And I was. I want to get back to that.
- Last year was a focus on feeling grateful, which turned into me recognizing my blessings and thinking about them internally. Which held me up at times, and others - helped my spirit sour. However, the furthest that these feelings got to being shared with the outside world was my journal - well that, and my month of gratitude posts in November. I feel like I am ok at sharing that gratitude thru my actions, but shared smiles and laughter really only go so far. It feels good when someone tells you "I am so happy that you are a part of this moment with me." It is important to recognize the beauty that God has placed in my life, and say it out loud. I want to be better at this, which is why it made my list.
So how am I doing so far? Well, I have two books on my nightstand that I'm reading on a nightly basis (Tell the Wolves I'm Home by Carol Rifka Brunt and Train Dreams by Denis Johnson - which is really a novella, so it only partially counts.) This blog will get me thru January - and I'm putting a notification on my Outlook Calendar to stop by the library and write a blog the first of February (I have a plan...). The cash thing seems to be working out so far - that may be the easiest for me to adapt to because it is how I used to live. To make it harder for me to use credit cards, I removed them from my wallet and put in a safe place in my house. Therefore, if I'm going to make a big purchase, I have to think about it. And my grateful goal, well, the philosophical ones are always the toughest to change. But it's front of mind, and I'm working towards sharing my gratefulness with you.
Which is why I want to leave you with this, one of my new favorite songs. It fills my heart with joy. I want to share that with you.
I hope that you all have a year full of beautiful days, my friends! Here's to 2014, with all of the wonderful moments for us to discover, just as the song says, "as we learn to fly".
Josh Radin "Beautiful Day"
Cheers!
Katy
